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Matthew - intro
Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2020 10:03 pm
My name is Matthew, I’m in Marietta GA. I’m an addict and been on the Suboxone treatment for 7 months. I’m a computer scientist with steady full time job. I have a side gig where I develop mobile applications for money or stake in the company. I’m pretty successful but yet a failure. I am however, great at being a father to 2 lovely girls. I’m divorced. Some days are great and others are a struggle. I’m a problem solver at work and for many other people but struggle to solve my own issues. I read, build models, binge watch Netflix, and enjoy the company of my dog. My addiction is very misunderstood, and anyone that meets me would have no earthly idea that I’m an addict. I often feel like I’m hiding from everyone. Which leads to a lonely existence.
Re: Matthew - intro
Posted: Tue Jan 14, 2020 1:25 pm
Welcome Matthew to the forum. The vast majority of my family and friends have no idea I've been on Buprenorphine for about 10 years now with no intention of ever stopping. If I get cut off, I'll deal with it then. For now, my doctor is okay with my maintenance program and gives me no trouble about getting off it.
You're not the only one who keeps it from others as most just don't understand addiction like you said. Everyone thinks I'm such a straight arrow person and when I do admit my past to others they get shocked.
We hope you'll stick around and contribute to our little family here.
Re: Matthew - intro
Posted: Wed Jan 15, 2020 9:21 am
Welcome Matthew! You may be more similar than you think to other people here. There seems to be an impression out there that people addicted to opioids use them to 'party'. I'll often hear new patients say things like 'I never took them for the euphoria; I just took them to feel normal'. But I almost never hear a person talk about 'partying' with opioids. Maybe there are a few people who did that when they were younger? But when people use opioids together, the reason is usually because they threw their money together to buy heroin, or they share a ride to the dealer.
I have many, many long-term buprenorphine patients. I try to suggest tapering at each appointment, but most people tell me that they are happy where they are. Some get pain relief, and for some there is value in removing the risk of relapse. And I'm sure many people just procrastinate tapering because that's easier than taking action. Thankfully, buprenorphine is a very safe medication.
You don't sound like a 'failure', Matthew. You have interesting hobbies and marketable skills - and with two young daughters, you still have your whole live ahead of you. Stick around and help the newbies that stop by - that can help reinforce your own goals. Thanks for checking in!
Re: Matthew - intro
Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 5:49 pm
My addiction has always been out there for the world to see and that’s simply because when I started using and hit bottom, I got arrested because I did so much ridiculous stuff to get my fix and I didn’t try to hide it. Plus I’d come from a pretty well known family and I live in a small town so everyone knows our business and there just wasn’t any hiding it even if I’d tried. I didn’t become addicted until I was in my 30’s and I didn’t party, I just married someone who relapsed and I eventually fell into the chaos too. I don’t fit other people’s perception of what an addict looks like either...... in this day and time I’m actually shocked there’s even a 'look' people still think about.
I’ve always been the opposite of keeping my addiction a secret, there’s definitely been times I wish I could have but now it’s so freeing for those judgmental ppl to see where I am today. That’s important to me because they need to see that ppl can recover BUT I see absolutely no shame whatsoever to keep it to yourself and it doesn’t make you a fake. You have the right to keep whatever you want to yourself, heck a lot of ppl are going to judge us no matter what we do. I think it should be each persons choice on if it’s all behind closed doors or open for the world to see. It’s no better either way imo, it’s just what works for you
Give yourself a break and just enjoy yourself in recovery.