There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

How to stop Suboxone? How long should I be on buprenorphine? Is Suboxone withdrawal bad? How do I detox?
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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by wiichongo_mhngy » Mon Oct 02, 2017 8:44 am

Thanks again everyone!

So I wanted to update yesterday which was my 5 month mark but unfortunately there was an emergency. My best friend's mother called me hysterically crying because my friend drove to Brooklyn (I live on the eastern end of Long Island) and told his mom he was on the Brooklyn Bridge and that he "wasn't coming home". He kept saying goodbye to her. He wasn't in a good frame of mind yesterday. We were extremely concerned. Around midnight, my friend's cousin, myself, and another friend of mine drove out to Brooklyn trying to find him or his car. We had a spare key fob to his car so as we drove around we were pressing the panic button hoping we would hear his car. After a few hours we had no luck. He was answering us when we texted him but he was being very short. He just kept saying "I'm fine" and "go home". I got home around 4:30 and had to wake up at 6 for work so I am incredibly tired as I'm typing this.

Unfortunately he hasn't returned yet and although he isn't answering anyone, we can at least see that he is still viewing our texts and messages. So, this update isn't as good as I wished it would be because I'm very anxious and worried today.

In terms of actual withdrawals, I am still doing great. I feel a little bit of improvement each week which is nice. Again, my only problem currently is this pinched nerve and vision problems. Other than that and my friend being MIA, I'm doing pretty damn good.
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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by jennjenn » Mon Oct 02, 2017 9:51 am

Congrats for making it so far wiichongo and I'm glad to see u keep updating us.

So sorry to hear about ur friend having such a hard time. I really hope ur friend gets through whatever it is they're going through. I guess they just need some space but I'd never want to put that kind of fear in my mother or friends. Hopefully ur friend will get some help. U showed what a great friend u truly are!
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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by wiichongo_mhngy » Thu Oct 26, 2017 7:22 am

Hey everyone, I meant to update much sooner but I've been busy and forgetful.

My friend turned out to be fine. It was a rough couple of days not knowing where he was or what his intentions were, but he's back and seems to be back to normal.

I've also been doing pretty good. I've had a couple minor days where I was a little depressed, but I've been good for the most part. I still haven't had any cravings for bupe, though I have had a few dreams about it recently.

Anyway, I think I'm in good hands still. I'll update at my 6 month mark!
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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by jennjenn » Thu Oct 26, 2017 9:47 am

Nice to hear ur doing good wiichomongo. Oh and dreaming about opiates was something that happened to me every time I'd quit. In rehab I was having them pretty frequently, also the months after rehab I had them. I remember waking up and depending on how the dream went, I'd be relieved or sometimes it would trigger me a little bit..... nothing I couldn't handle but it's not fun to be dreaming about something ur trying to live without. I remember sometimes dreaming about drugs that I didn't even have an addiction to, like crack and coke, it was weird. I'm sure someone out there can explain those dreams but I do believe they're normal for what ur going through and it happens to many of us when stopping.

Great job Wii!
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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by wiichongo_mhngy » Wed Nov 01, 2017 9:06 am

Quick update everyone.

I have reached my 6 month mark. I truly can't believe it. I never thought I'd be able to endure this.
The time has also been flying by, it's insane.

My update is this: I'm doing great. Any issues that I do have going on with me have nothing to do with the sub withdrawals. I can assure you all that. The only thing that may be related to the withdrawals are my extremely rare depressed days. Those are far and inbetween though.

I'm excited that I'm feeling this good just in time for the holiday season.

I hope everyone is doing good.

Thanks for all the support!
I will update in a week or so.
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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by Amy-Work In Progress » Sat Nov 25, 2017 11:31 pm

All great news!

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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by TeeJay » Sun Dec 03, 2017 6:02 am

Congrats mate. 6 months is a huge milestone. I hope you did something safe to celebrate and reward yourself. Maybe that money you've saved from not spending $ on Sub could be spent on a nice mountain bike or something so you can better enjoy being 100% clean off all opioids!

Regarding your detox, I'm personally not surprised you had it relatively easy, and the withdrawal severity was nothing compared to what you expected. Suboxone is a lot more unpredictable than full agonists when it comes to withdrawal. I've seen people jump off 1mg and have an excruciating experience, and relapse within days. They'd try again a few months later and the same thing would happen. Then third time around, they'd be incredibly scared but give it another try. And they'd claim that the withdrawal was NOTHING like the intensity of the other times, even though everything was done the same.

I disagree with Suboxdoc about the severity of buprenorphine withdrawal compared to agonists. I've come off Sub a number of times, and overall the symptoms for me are, on average, similar in intensity to heroin withdrawal off a moderate habit. The effects are comparable with perhaps even more marked dysphoria than heroin detox. What makes Sub detox for me worse than heroin is that it lasts twice as long owing to its longer half life. It's not the kind of detox where you can take a week off work and count on feeling fine by day 6-7. I'd only feel myself improving by day 10-12, and experience intermittent sneezing and goosebumps for many weeks after.

That being said, it's also more unpredictable. While in general the symptoms for me were comparable to heroin withdrawal, it was also varied from episode to episode. There were a couple of times I coasted down and had a relatively easy time. Other times it was ghastly. Generally I'm talking about jumping off higher doses like you. 6mg +.

There was also more dysphoria with buprenorphine detox.

I'd personally choose buprenorphine withdrawal over methadone withdrawal. But given the choice between buprenorphine and a moderate heroin habit (in my country heroin is much more expensive than the US so my habits might not have been that big in US terms), I'd choose heroin. At least then I'd know I'd be fine within a week.

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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by wiichongo_mhngy » Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:41 am

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been too active. I've been busy.

Two days ago was my 7 month mark. I will try to post more often, but my updates will most likely be very brief as I am still just getting better and better.

The reason I'm even bothering to update is so people who read this thread still hear from me and don't think I relapsed. I've seen a ton of threads about people getting clean and then they stop posting and it is discouraging.

Hope everyone had a good thanksgiving and thank you all again for your support.
Here is my own family tradition; following footsteps into addiction
So, is there a way where I can find peace while still numbing my pain?

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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by jennjenn » Mon Dec 04, 2017 1:19 pm

I think it's also important to keep updating periodically because of ppl who's wanting to taper off themselves and may be looking for inspiration that it is possible. If they see ppl like u and pelican and others who keep updating, it shows there is hope. I think so many ppl out there think once u stop buprenorphine treatment it's an automatic relapse or something and that's just not true. U can show them how far you've come :)

Happy 7 months!!
Jennifer

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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by wiichongo_mhngy » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:08 am

Just a quick update and some advice:

I've still been doing good. I have found a correlation between days filled with stress causing depression. I get stressed at work occasionally because of my boss and on those days I end up feeling the depression when I go home and even sometimes the following day. Unfortunately my boss is turning into the workd's biggest a**h*** and I'm constantly getting stressed out. So I have been in a bit of a slum the past week or so.

My recommendation for those who face or will face this depression is to, no matter how hard it may seem, try to just stay active and do something. Do not go lay in bed because you'll never wanna get up. Clean your house or exercise. Find any way to keep yourself busy.

Hope everyone is doing good.
Here is my own family tradition; following footsteps into addiction
So, is there a way where I can find peace while still numbing my pain?

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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by wiichongo_mhngy » Fri Jan 05, 2018 9:27 am

Hey everyone, meant to post sooner but the new year marked my 8 month!
I'm still going strong. Hope everyone had a good holiday!

I will try to post more often. Maybe that'll be my New Years resolution lol
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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by jennjenn » Fri Jan 05, 2018 4:19 pm

Happy 8 months Wii!! Something to be VERY proud of!!
Jennifer

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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by subtaperingnow » Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:15 pm

Hi,

I know it has been awhile, but I wanted to stop in and say congrats!! I can't believe it has been 8 months time just goes by so quick. I apologize for dropping off like that.. honestly I was disappointed in myself. I was shocked that I gave up after already making it out 3 months. And that Wellbutrin put me over the edge I know I can't put all the blame on that. I was already vulnerable, and Wellbutrin just really made me give up I had a lot of side effects from it.

I tapered off too quick 3 months is way too quick for 8mg. I realize that now.. I went to a doctor and am still only on .30 micrograms a day. I have stuck with that dose, and I am doing great. I refuse to go up in dose, because that will just be harder in the end. I still have restless legs tho.. its not bad but annoying. I believe when I taper off the next time it will be easy.. or at least easier than 8mg. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know I am doing great. I also got a job with my degree, so life is good. I am so happy for you it really gives me hope.

But, I have to say I have grown so much since I tapered and I don't think I will have as many problems the next time. Before, I felt the need to take bupe all the time, now I can actually go without for a little while which is a good sign.

Again, I am really happy to see someone made it out, you did great and are one of the strongest people I know. Keep your head up you made it! :D

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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by wiichongo_mhngy » Sun Mar 04, 2018 11:01 am

Hey everyone, I'm sorry I haven't been posting often. There was like a two week time period where this site wasn't working or something and I couldn't log in. I've also been a bit busy and stressed out from work.

That being said, I am still holding up very well. Things are going great. No withdrawals, very very very minor depression maybe like 1 day every 2-3 weeks but as long as I keep busy it's no bother. No cravings for subs or any opiates for that matter.

3 days ago marked my 10 month. 10 effing months! The time really flew by.

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing good and thanks for all the support! I'll try to post more often now that I'm working less hours.
Here is my own family tradition; following footsteps into addiction
So, is there a way where I can find peace while still numbing my pain?

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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by wiichongo_mhngy » Sun Mar 04, 2018 11:04 am

subtaperingnow wrote:Hi,

I know it has been awhile, but I wanted to stop in and say congrats!! I can't believe it has been 8 months time just goes by so quick. I apologize for dropping off like that.. honestly I was disappointed in myself. I was shocked that I gave up after already making it out 3 months. And that Wellbutrin put me over the edge I know I can't put all the blame on that. I was already vulnerable, and Wellbutrin just really made me give up I had a lot of side effects from it.

I tapered off too quick 3 months is way too quick for 8mg. I realize that now.. I went to a doctor and am still only on .30 micrograms a day. I have stuck with that dose, and I am doing great. I refuse to go up in dose, because that will just be harder in the end. I still have restless legs tho.. its not bad but annoying. I believe when I taper off the next time it will be easy.. or at least easier than 8mg. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know I am doing great. I also got a job with my degree, so life is good. I am so happy for you it really gives me hope.

But, I have to say I have grown so much since I tapered and I don't think I will have as many problems the next time. Before, I felt the need to take bupe all the time, now I can actually go without for a little while which is a good sign.

Again, I am really happy to see someone made it out, you did great and are one of the strongest people I know. Keep your head up you made it! :D

Thanks! I'm so glad to hear from you and hear that you're doing great. I missed you!
Hope to hear from you again. I'm sorry for the delayed response.
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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by Amy-Work In Progress » Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:50 pm

Both you and subtaperingnow are doing so well! I am so glad to hear that you aren't experiencing any cravings! That is fantastic! It won't be long before you are a year out from your quit date. Congratulations!

subtaperingnow, 30 micrograms is so low!! Yes, it should be totally different getting off 30 micrograms compared to 8mg. Do you plan on going lower before you step off?

Yes, we had a couple weeks of technical difficulties for sure. Everything seems to be fixed now. :)

Amy
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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by jennjenn » Mon Mar 05, 2018 9:44 am

Wii so glad ur doing great!!! 10 MONTHS! That is awesome. It absolutely can be done and please keep coming bk for updates.

Subtaperingnow! I can't believe I missed where you'd posted! U seem to be doing wonderful. That's so good to hear about ur new job too.

Full of great news guys!!
Jennifer

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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by wiichongo_mhngy » Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:00 am

Hey everyone, figured I'd update again before I hit my 11 mark.

Although I haven't had cravings for opiates, I will admit sometimes I think about them and the good times I had on them. On days I'm stressed out I think about how much easier it would be to handle the stress with my old poisons. But, as I stated, I wouldn't even call these cravings because I'm not actually craving them. If I had cravings, it wouldn't be very hard for me to get anything considering my father has Percocet and tramadol in the house. I know several sub dealers. And to top that all off, a coworker of mine asked me if I knew anyone interested in 10mg roxys and I've actually been the middle man to make some extra money. If I had cravings I would have bought them myself and I didn't.

I never realized until after quitting subs just how much self control I have. Not even just with opiates, weed too. My best friend's house is the "go to house" for everyone to smoke and drink. I can watch them smoke for hours and not even be slightly interested in taking a hit. In fact, earlier this month I reached my two year mark since I quit smoking weed.

I even have self control over cigarettes. When my buddies go out for a smoke, I ask them to give me an unlit one and I just hold it in my fingers and pretend to ash until they finish. It's probably stupid but I like to show off my self control as they all know I was a heavy smoker for over 7 years. Speaking of cigarettes, the end of this April will mark my two year since I quit smoking as well.

Anyway, I figured I'd tell you all who are wondering how I handle the stress without drugs. It's about keeping busy doing things you love and trying new things. For me that's binge watching Netflix, listening to and writing music, hanging out with friends, and occasionally playing video games. I've changed my diet and started exercising and it's a great stress reliever. I surprisingly gained quite a bit of weight after quitting subs, but I've shaved off almost all that extra weight (about 25-30lbs or so).

Anyway, figured I'd give a more thorough updated like I said before I just post about my 11 month clean point. I suggest everyone to keep their heads up because all your battles can and will be won. :)
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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by Amy-Work In Progress » Fri Mar 16, 2018 11:27 am

It's definitely not unusual to think of how good drugs made you feel, but keep in mind that there is a really good reason for that. Addiction, being a chronic condition, keeps your brain primed to think these thoughts. Not only is your pleasure/reward system hijacked to always want opioids, but the parts of your brain that have roles in memory take note that the pleasure/reward circuitry has been activated. Even worse for us is that whenever that circuit is activated and recognized by the brain as something positive and life sustaining, the brain wants us to do it again without even thinking about it.

You are having these unbidden memories of how good you felt on drugs without wanting to think about them. Over time these can turn into cravings. Self-control requires that you actively think about staying away from drugs. The disorder of addiction promotes subconscious memories of pleasure to pop up. So far you've done a really good job of keeping those thoughts from turning into actions.

My friend and former mod here, Amber, has a trick that she does to keep from relapsing. When these subconscious memories bubble up to the surface, she puts her conscious mind to work. What she does is let the thought about how good opioids felt into her conscious mind, and then think of everything that would happen if she got high. She acknowledges that she would feel good for a time and then thinks about every single consequence there would be from relapsing. The loss of trust from her family that she has worked so hard to regain, having her husband divorce her and take her kids, the financial ruin, the respect she would lose in herself. She turns those subconscious thoughts into conscious consequences.

I encourage you to find a way to do the same thing for yourself when those nostalgic thoughts of pleasure bubble up. Otherwise the thoughts that come up could turn into cravings at some point in the future. Relying on self-control has its own pitfalls. If you get to the point that you take self-control for granted, you might end up feeling like you don't have to be careful. Relapse can happen very quickly, so just stay wary, ok?

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Re: There is no reason to be afraid! (I quit cold turkey)

Post by jennjenn » Sat Mar 17, 2018 8:49 am

If I ever find myself thinking about being high, which doesn't happen very often, I do something similar to what Amy mentioned. I immediately switch my brain to some of the awful memories I had during active addiction. Those will shake ya up real quick I tell ya! The sickness, the jail stays, the being so alone without any family because they're all mad, the stealing....... everything u did. That's usually enough to put things into perspective.
Jennifer

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