Hoping to go off Suboxone- need feedback

How to stop Suboxone? How long should I be on buprenorphine? Is Suboxone withdrawal bad? How do I detox?
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RecoveringButterfly
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Hoping to go off Suboxone- need feedback

Post by RecoveringButterfly » Mon Apr 20, 2020 11:13 pm

Hi all..name is Lisa and I am new here and so happy to find an recovery based forum for Suboxone. This is a long post, I apologize but I feel like I need to give some context around my situation, to get the right advice. I am a recovered alcoholic (21 years) who for many reasons that are clear today slowly fell into addiction to opiates 8years ago..I have written my story in my profile.

So- here is the issue- I find that I have a really hard time using Suboxone as prescribed- I haven't used any street drugs since I went on it a year ago, other than one slip- a Percocet six months ago. This has been real progress and life is much better. But my inability to consistently take it as prescribed leads me to believe I am not a person who can use this medication reapinsibly- when I have it in the house I cannot seem to stop myself - the addictive part of myself enjoys the additional energy/lift I get from taking a higher dose on occasion- so I sometimes take a little more than my daily dose (1 or 2 extra mg), and then just miss a day later in the week to make up for the missing pill. I feel so bad that I can't stop myself from doing this... although it's better than abusing street drugs, and it's a relatively low dose, I feel like a failure.

I could go back to picking meds up daily instead of taking my 2 weeks of carries home..., but have trouble getting up in the morning and need to take it early- the medication is stimulating and prevents me from sleeping if I take it too late...so I keep by bed and take it before getting up in a.m.- my friend is a nurse and she lives next door..she keeps my carries for me and gives me my daily dose at night so I can keep it by my bed and take first thing. this works well but I can't ask this of her forever. so I'm going to go back to daily observed dose at pharmacy for now till I decide whether to go off it completely. ..but once I start working again I won't be able to because of limited pharmacy hours...

I feel like I need to be 100percent free of opiates (Suboxone) because of this , I regularly have also insulflated it because it seems to deliver the medication faster and seems stronger...and I think it's part of my addictive patterns I need to break.. I realize this is abuse and I really want to be free from this.... I talked to my doctor about it all honestly and we are starting to wean down. I went down to 2.5 mg last week and next week we are going down to 2 mg. I feel a bit lower in energy but not too drastic.

I am scared to go off completely,but I hate that I'm still stuck in addictive cycle..and also some of the side effects bother me..I feel like being as chemical free as possible ultimately will feel healthier . Maybe if i continue to strengthen my recovery circle/practices (have support meetings and therapy and addiction doc) and taper down very slowly... i could safely go off...but relapse frightens me....also I fear falling back to the very severe depression I was in for so long (5 years of suicidal thoughts and sadness and anxiety)..it finally started to lift about 6 months ago, and I fear going off subs all together will send me right back.

On the other hand I have a much stronger support system in place now and friends in recovery to help me. After 2yrs therapy I have eliminated my brother out of my life (I was abused by him as a child). This has played a huge part in my mental wellness- And I feel like I'm finally starting to make decisions for me instead of based in how they will affect other people, which is amazing....and frankly unprecedented! I was stuck in very 'codependant' cycle and way too concerned about other people's opinions of me, or those feelings. That had to go!!! There are financial struggles to contend with and the usual life stressors but generally life is improving.

I want feedback and advice from others who have had similar struggles.

Is it too early to go off? Can I somehow learn to take it as prescribed after I have not done so for so long? Ack..so perplexed! I have no friends who have used this medication that I can talk to..so came here!
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rule62
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Re: Hoping to go off Suboxone- need feedback

Post by rule62 » Wed Apr 22, 2020 11:18 pm

I responded to your Introductions post so I'll leave this one for the others except for one thing. IMO though, you need to be able to take your medication as prescribed before considering getting off it. Maybe our doctors here will say different.
Don't take yourself so damn seriously

RecoveringButterfly
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Re: Hoping to go off Suboxone- need feedback

Post by RecoveringButterfly » Fri Apr 24, 2020 6:27 am

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I guess for now, as of today I will be taking my meds at pharmacy every day that will force me to take as prescribed until I go off it...

I feel like if I can't take it as prescribed then maybe it is wrong medicine for me, and I shouldn't be on it ....for me admitting that was key..I remember when I tried harm reduction with alcohol and it did t work- I had to stop drinking completely...it was the first drink that did it...It feels similar now with the Suboxone for me...maybe I just answered my own question ... what a pickle I am in !But I do feel closer to an answer :-)

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jennjenn
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Re: Hoping to go off Suboxone- need feedback

Post by jennjenn » Fri Apr 24, 2020 10:06 pm

Maybe you could explore other options like the buprenorphine implant or even the vivitrol shot. There’s other options if suboxone works for you but you cannot get past taking extra most of the time. There’s different things you can think about :)
Jennifer

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