Page 1 of 1

Hoping to go off Suboxone- need feedback

Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2020 11:13 pm
by RecoveringButterfly
Hi is Lisa and I am new here and so happy to find an recovery based forum for Suboxone. This is a long post, I apologize but I feel like I need to give some context around my situation, to get the right advice. I am a recovered alcoholic (21 years) who for many reasons that are clear today slowly fell into addiction to opiates 8years ago..I have written my story in my profile.

So- here is the issue- I find that I have a really hard time using Suboxone as prescribed- I haven't used any street drugs since I went on it a year ago, other than one slip- a Percocet six months ago. This has been real progress and life is much better. But my inability to consistently take it as prescribed leads me to believe I am not a person who can use this medication reapinsibly- when I have it in the house I cannot seem to stop myself - the addictive part of myself enjoys the additional energy/lift I get from taking a higher dose on occasion- so I sometimes take a little more than my daily dose (1 or 2 extra mg), and then just miss a day later in the week to make up for the missing pill. I feel so bad that I can't stop myself from doing this... although it's better than abusing street drugs, and it's a relatively low dose, I feel like a failure.

I could go back to picking meds up daily instead of taking my 2 weeks of carries home..., but have trouble getting up in the morning and need to take it early- the medication is stimulating and prevents me from sleeping if I take it too I keep by bed and take it before getting up in a.m.- my friend is a nurse and she lives next door..she keeps my carries for me and gives me my daily dose at night so I can keep it by my bed and take first thing. this works well but I can't ask this of her forever. so I'm going to go back to daily observed dose at pharmacy for now till I decide whether to go off it completely. ..but once I start working again I won't be able to because of limited pharmacy hours...

I feel like I need to be 100percent free of opiates (Suboxone) because of this , I regularly have also insulflated it because it seems to deliver the medication faster and seems stronger...and I think it's part of my addictive patterns I need to break.. I realize this is abuse and I really want to be free from this.... I talked to my doctor about it all honestly and we are starting to wean down. I went down to 2.5 mg last week and next week we are going down to 2 mg. I feel a bit lower in energy but not too drastic.

I am scared to go off completely,but I hate that I'm still stuck in addictive cycle..and also some of the side effects bother me..I feel like being as chemical free as possible ultimately will feel healthier . Maybe if i continue to strengthen my recovery circle/practices (have support meetings and therapy and addiction doc) and taper down very slowly... i could safely go off...but relapse frightens me....also I fear falling back to the very severe depression I was in for so long (5 years of suicidal thoughts and sadness and anxiety) finally started to lift about 6 months ago, and I fear going off subs all together will send me right back.

On the other hand I have a much stronger support system in place now and friends in recovery to help me. After 2yrs therapy I have eliminated my brother out of my life (I was abused by him as a child). This has played a huge part in my mental wellness- And I feel like I'm finally starting to make decisions for me instead of based in how they will affect other people, which is amazing....and frankly unprecedented! I was stuck in very 'codependant' cycle and way too concerned about other people's opinions of me, or those feelings. That had to go!!! There are financial struggles to contend with and the usual life stressors but generally life is improving.

I want feedback and advice from others who have had similar struggles.

Is it too early to go off? Can I somehow learn to take it as prescribed after I have not done so for so long? perplexed! I have no friends who have used this medication that I can talk came here!

Re: Hoping to go off Suboxone- need feedback

Posted: Wed Apr 22, 2020 11:18 pm
by rule62
I responded to your Introductions post so I'll leave this one for the others except for one thing. IMO though, you need to be able to take your medication as prescribed before considering getting off it. Maybe our doctors here will say different.

Re: Hoping to go off Suboxone- need feedback

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2020 6:27 am
by RecoveringButterfly
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I guess for now, as of today I will be taking my meds at pharmacy every day that will force me to take as prescribed until I go off it...

I feel like if I can't take it as prescribed then maybe it is wrong medicine for me, and I shouldn't be on it ....for me admitting that was key..I remember when I tried harm reduction with alcohol and it did t work- I had to stop drinking was the first drink that did it...It feels similar now with the Suboxone for me...maybe I just answered my own question ... what a pickle I am in !But I do feel closer to an answer :-)

Re: Hoping to go off Suboxone- need feedback

Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2020 10:06 pm
by jennjenn
Maybe you could explore other options like the buprenorphine implant or even the vivitrol shot. There’s other options if suboxone works for you but you cannot get past taking extra most of the time. There’s different things you can think about :)

Re: Hoping to go off Suboxone- need feedback

Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2020 3:14 am
by Kyle197
I went through pretty much the exact same thing. I'd get a month supply and then get 2 refills. During Covid I haven't even had to see my Doctor.

But I'd often take them in halfs(rip the films or cut them to make them 4 MG's)...and then take an extra half a day.

Anyway, just made a post about this, but long story short, I ended up losing my last ~14 days worth. I THINK it was accidentally thrown out when visiting my parents because my Dad THOUGHT it was an empty inhaler box...doesn't matter, I'm out and my Doctor told me the only way I can get more is if I file a police report...I guess for throwing something away on accident and take that to the pharmacy. I'm into day 7 and I keep seeing these horror stories about how bad the withdrawal is and I have experienced it myself far, I'm feeling fine. Almost like I was taking a placebo the whole time. It's a totally unique experience.

I've noticed thus far(and it's only 7 days) that I've built up how bad it's going to be more than it's actually been. Even when I went off it last time, I just felt really sluggish and run down.

No IDEA if this helps at all, but it just seems that a lot of the problem is people build themselves up and prepare for the worst and it doesn't actually get THAT bad maybe? But I definitely liked taking extra as who knows. We'll see how things go.