Stuck at 2mg - This sucks! - SO DEPRESSED

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MLW1978
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Stuck at 2mg - This sucks! - SO DEPRESSED

Post by MLW1978 » Sun Dec 25, 2011 8:32 am

I would really like some help here. My story: was stuck on a 40mg of percocet as my daily habit for about 2 years. That's it. Never went up, never did anything else. Got on Suboxone to get off of Percocet, started at 4mgs. daily. As soon as I started Suboxone, I became very depressed. Lost happiness for everything. Stayed at 4mg daily for about 1 year. Then was convinced that I was depressed because I was at such a low dose of Suboxone. So, was bumped up to 8mg a day. Was on 8mgs daily for about 2 years. I was still depressed at 8mg, so really went up for no reason. Finally 9 months ago, I decided to go down. Went from 8mg to 2mg. I am now getting the 2mg Suboxone Film. I cut it and I take daily: approx. 1.25 mgs a day. I am extremely depressed. Most days I lay in bed all day long, almost never wanting to leave my room. I take a shower once a week. I have no motivation, no desire, no happiness, no energy, nothing. I have been on anti-depressants for years! I take Zoloft/Wellbutrin daily. My husband wants to leave me and now my son is effected too. We had no Christmas tree, no stockings, didn't send out cards, nothing. This comes from a person that used to love Christmas. I do not know what to do. I have always been depressed since I started Suboxone. Always depressed. I was "okay" through the years while at 4-8 mg daily, but going down from the 8mg to 1.25mg now, is my all time low in regards to depression. As I decrease it gets worse. But, if I increase, sure I might feel a little better for a few days, but then I will be depressed again. I have no idea what is going on. I want to be off Suboxone! .. but, what is causing my depression?? What should I do? See a psychiatrist? I've already tried other anti-depressants, nothing works. See a Psychologist? I always think a shrink just looks at the clock and I don't think they care. If I want a shrink, might as well invest in a friend for free! Should I admit myself to a rehab for depression? I am not suicidal, NEVER been. All I want is to be happy, and to be motivated again, and to have energy to do the things that I used to do. That's all. So, how can I get this?

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hatmaker510
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Post by hatmaker510 » Sun Dec 25, 2011 10:01 am

Oh MLW, my heart goes out to you. I don't know if Suboxone is related to this or not, but you definitely need to see someone! In my non-medical opinion, you have a severe case of major depression and you need treatment ASAP! Both you and your family deserve this. Mostly though - do it for YOURSELF, YOU deserve it.

Can you get a referral to a psychiatrist from your PCP? Can you do this right away? Maybe also consider having a talk with your husband and explain to him that you know you need treatment and you'll make the calls this week to get that started. I'm sure he still loves you and only feels frustrated right now. Hearing that you will start working on this is probably what he wants to hear.

I hope you get to feeling better very soon. Please keep us posted on how you are. Try to have a Merry Christmas.
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

Ironic

Post by Ironic » Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:26 pm

If I were you, Id report your doctor to the AMA.

Suboxone was not meant for people with such small habits. 1 mg of bupe = ~60 mg morphine. What I mean to say is that 4mg of Suboxone is way more than 40 mg of percocet. Meaning, you actually got yourself addicted to more opiates then you started on by starting sub treatment.

The 2mg you are stuck on now is also stronger than 40 mg of percocet!

I think you may feel better once you get off Sub, but as we all know that is a long and winding road. Did you have problems with depression before you started on Sub? Do you see a psychiatrist and therapist separate from your sub doc?

I feel anger reading this. Did they tell you what you were going to be in for when they put you on Sub? Did they explain to you that you were going to be taking A higher dose of opiates than you were with percocet? Or did they say nothing and just greedily take your money?

I hope you are having a merry Christmas. You deserve to be happy, not to go through such sadness.

Have you tried methadone? Or going back to percocet? Sounds like a lesser evil than this depression you've got going on..

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JoshuAble
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Post by JoshuAble » Mon Dec 26, 2011 1:00 pm

I would just like to say my heart goes out to you!


I do have a theory about suboxone, though I have no scientific data to back it up (not enough research has been done on it).

Like someone said, suboxone, while a "partial opiate agonist" and not a full-on "opiate agonist" (oxycodone, morphine, heroin, etc, all those pills are forms of Oxy, such as percocet). But back to the point.

The main problem I notice is people that are addicted to full agonist opiates, like you were addicted to 40mg of percocet daily (which is 40mg of oxycodone). The problem is doctors just aren't educated enough on this stuff. 2mg of suboxone would have been more than enough suboxone to "induct" on, as suboxone (buprenorphine) is a very powerful substance, albeit it's a "partial agonist" it's still extremely strong and has a very high binding affinity for the most the important opioid receptors. I recall feeling really lethargic, tired, just laid around semi-depressed when i was on 16-24 mg of suboxone a day (and I switched from 3-4 grams of heroin a day), in retrospect I think 6-8mg would have been perfect for me... but we all want to make sure we "don't get sick or withdrawals" so we take more than necessary, and the doctors seem to oblige.

Most of us become addicts for a reason, and many times it's a way to self medicate to cover some type of actual chemical imbalance (anxiety, depression, bi-polar, etc) and it makes us feel better. So when we switch to suboxone, we are back to feeling "normal", but the manifestations that have always existed aren't going to just disappear.

I'd suggest you go talk to your doctor about this ASAP. Do you take any medications for depression? I fight depression, I never thought or knew I had clinical depression and anxiety problems until I quit taking oxycontin and heroin, got on suboxone, and after about 6 months of stabilizing on suboxone I started to have problems. While many might assume it's some side effect from suboxone (i don't rule that out), it's also very plausible that you either:

-had depression/anxiety/mood problems before you started taking percocets (or your opiate of choice)
-it's also known that using opiates like we have result in depression and anxiety when you quit, so you have to really go at your suboxone treatment in multiple ways. Just taking suboxone won't fix your problems, though it's a nice stepping stone.

I would recommend you talk to your doc, think about possibly going on an SSRI antidepressant like Lexapro/Effexor/Prozac, or just start forcing yourself to exercise (even nice walks, nothing too crazy) to get your endorphins going, as well as eating healthy, taking vitamins, and being as proactive with your recovery as possible. I struggle doing all this, but it does help... it's just taking that first step and asking for some help and getting one foot out that door (even for a 15 minute walk that builds up a tiny sweat)... it's a great first step.

I hope things get better.
I have hit a block; long taper, got to 1mg daily and depression/anxiety kicked in. Back to 2-3mg a day, I feel like I relapsed... wtf!

One Love...

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Post by meltalk » Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:54 pm

I agree with Josh I was just like you. Stayedd in bed (in pain and sad) I started MAKING myself get up everyday. I had to make myself do this. I feel alot better stared seeing a counslor and I found it helps alot to talk to someone that your family does not know. Someone that can not tell anyone your business.
I really feel for you as I said I was there sad and scared of what my live was not anymore. I had lost myself and my family was falling with me. If moma aint happy no ones happy true statement. You need to get out of bed and start living again you will feel so much better and your family will be much happier
Good luck
Mel :wink:
Dreams are only Dreams unless you persue them

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chronic fatigue

Post by Stargazer » Tue Dec 27, 2011 8:39 pm

Hi MLV. So sorry to see the way life is unfolding for you. You've got to get help before this becomes even more serious.
You say you "lost happiness for everything". Is that result, thru an a event, or from your addiction?
You may need tests for chronic fatigue syndrome or a damaged liver. Healthy adrenal glands are essential for vitality, and opiates, toxins-cigs etc deplete them.
When I get depressed I go to water, the beach, river, waterfalls, herb bath or whatever.To get the circulation in my body working, gentle exercise walking,stretching etc, 9 months is a long time to spend in bed, with the same old thought patterns
grinding you down more and more. The body is an obedient servant, and if you keep telling it to stay in bed, it will.
I'm guessing your 33 yrs old, without much support considering that no one else could set up a christmas tree.
Find support, some things you can't do on your own, and accepting help now you may help some one else further on down the road. Keep posting.

Whateveryouwant
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PLease...

Post by Whateveryouwant » Sun Aug 26, 2012 2:17 am

Go get help. Your family needs you. Even if your kids are "old enough" there always little babies at heart.

I remember no christmas...not nice....it affected me greatly. Maybe consider methadone?

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Re: Stuck at 2mg - This sucks! - SO DEPRESSED

Post by laddertipper » Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:35 pm

MLW1978 wrote:I would really like some help here. My story: was stuck on a 40mg of percocet as my daily habit for about 2 years. That's it. Never went up, never did anything else. Got on Suboxone to get off of Percocet, started at 4mgs. daily. As soon as I started Suboxone, I became very depressed. Lost happiness for everything. Stayed at 4mg daily for about 1 year. Then was convinced that I was depressed because I was at such a low dose of Suboxone. So, was bumped up to 8mg a day. Was on 8mgs daily for about 2 years. I was still depressed at 8mg, so really went up for no reason. Finally 9 months ago, I decided to go down. Went from 8mg to 2mg. I am now getting the 2mg Suboxone Film. I cut it and I take daily: approx. 1.25 mgs a day. I am extremely depressed. Most days I lay in bed all day long, almost never wanting to leave my room. I take a shower once a week. I have no motivation, no desire, no happiness, no energy, nothing. I have been on anti-depressants for years! I take Zoloft/Wellbutrin daily. My husband wants to leave me and now my son is effected too. We had no Christmas tree, no stockings, didn't send out cards, nothing. This comes from a person that used to love Christmas. I do not know what to do. I have always been depressed since I started Suboxone. Always depressed. I was "okay" through the years while at 4-8 mg daily, but going down from the 8mg to 1.25mg now, is my all time low in regards to depression. As I decrease it gets worse. But, if I increase, sure I might feel a little better for a few days, but then I will be depressed again. I have no idea what is going on. I want to be off Suboxone! .. but, what is causing my depression?? What should I do? See a psychiatrist? I've already tried other anti-depressants, nothing works. See a Psychologist? I always think a shrink just looks at the clock and I don't think they care. If I want a shrink, might as well invest in a friend for free! Should I admit myself to a rehab for depression? I am not suicidal, NEVER been. All I want is to be happy, and to be motivated again, and to have energy to do the things that I used to do. That's all. So, how can I get this?
Sweetie, this sounds way bigger than anything anyone on here can give you magic advice for. However, I still believe many of us can relate.

My recommendation for you is to try everything listed above, including another antidepressant. You may need a stimulant as well....just while you are stopping Sub. Or maybe you need to continue Sub. I really don't know.


Today, you can do this:

Pull the sheets off your bed and wash them. Maybe you can even clean your comforter. I got this stuff that makes the laundry smell so good....sheesh, almost like a high just doing laundry. Open the blinds....sun is better.


Take a shower and shave. Wash your hair and blow it dry. Make sure it's untangled. Put on the yummiest lotion you have and the softest PJs. Just get fresh.

and last....call me cause I am worried about you and understand.

laddertipper
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

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Post by Romeo » Sun Aug 26, 2012 4:00 pm

MLW1978 hasn't been on this thread since Christmas of last year. This thread is pretty old. Just wanted y'all to know.
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!

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