The story of a guy tapering off (developing)...

[Bentakessubs]

Day 24 - 1mg

I can’t tell if I’m catching a cold or feeling withdrawal. So that’s fun. But I’m not feeling super hot today.

I turned this whole taper journal into a blog. I’ll keep posting short bits on here. But if you’re interested in hearing a longer form version of my journey, check it out.

https://sobrietystory.wixsite.com/sobrietystory

Even though I feel like shit today, I’m actually doing okay. I don’t feel like working. But it’s not unbearable. I’m really Yawny and keep stretching. And I’ve been getting cold sweat and I’m super tired. But I slept 8 hours last night. So I’m thinking maybe I’m catching a bug. Hard to say whether this is due to the taper cos I’d been feeling a lot better lately.

More tomorrow.

- B

[Bentakessubs]

Day 26 - 1mg

So I got the flu. Or some kind of sick. I keep wondering how much shit can be thrown at me during this taper? God has already kicked me in the balls, punched me in the arm, and fucked around with both of my cars while I’m trying to do this taper. Why not throw some plague into the mix?

I kid. I kid. I’m doing okay, all things considered. If I get super sick, I might just stop taking the suboxone all together. My thought process here is, if I’m already going to feel sick, maybe I should just get through the worst physical withdrawal symptoms first? Idk, we’ll see. Maybe I’ll just stick to the plan. Every time I think about getting off early, I always turn back and just stick to the plan.

Also, idk if I’ve shared the source for my taper plan on here or not yet. I’ll link the taper calculator I used. It’s a super handy tool and it gave me a 55 day taper plan to use that has minimized my withdrawal. The first 10 days were the worst because I went from 12mg to 2mg. Going from 12 to 4 wasn’t all that bad. But going from 4 to 2 was the worst of it. And it was super delayed because of the half-life and how it had built up in my system.

This threw me off because I’d be feeling great one day, then randomly feel bad the next for a few days straight. It’s okay thought. As I’ve said before, you have to accept the days that feel bad. Because those are the days when progress gets made.

After I got through the bad days without going back up on suboxone (when I had about 2 months worth in my bathroom cabinet), I suddenly had this revelation where I felt “I’m fucking bullet proof from this point on”.

Sorry. I keep trying to make short posts on here but I talk way too much. Hope someone gets something out of all this or it helps someone even a little.

More tomorrow.

- B

Taper Calculator I used:
http://www.helpmegetoffdrugs.com/taper

[Bentakessubs]

Days 26, 27, and 28 - 1mg - Patience

I haven’t posted for a couple of days. On top of my Suboxone withdrawal, I got a cold. Which definitely didn’t feel good. Yesterday, I tried to stop taking Suboxone completely and finish the 55-day taper in 27 days. My thought process was ‘Hey, you’re sick and you’re already going to feel like shit. So why not just finish taking it and get it all over with?’. I made it until 11am and realized that the withdrawal was going to be too intense, so I took my scheduled taper dose of 1mg. I have a plan in place. I’ve already broken up all of my Suboxone strips weeks ahead of time and wrapped them in individualized wax papers so my dose is ready every morning. With all of this work and planning laid out, I’m now asking myself why I am always tempted to rush ahead and finish this thing more quickly than I had planned? Patience is not and has never been my strong suit.

When I moved to Iowa, one of the things about this place that bothered me most, and still bothers me to this day, is how people drive. I spent most of my driving years in Memphis, TN. A city where people drive like they’re drunk and high (which, to be fair, a lot of them probably are). The accident rate there is through the roof and people are always driving super fast and recklessly.

But in Iowa, the thing that has always bothered me about peoples driving is how bloody slow everyone goes. “Why is everybody taking their damn time to get where their going?!”, I would scream to myself like a crazy person on my daily commute. By the way, I’m never late getting to where I’m going. I’m always 15-30 minutes early to work, doctors appointments, or any other destination that I’m headed to. And it took me a while to ask myself one really important question. And this question applies to everyone, not just addicts. This question is the one that will bring everything into perspective in times of crisis. The questions is this:

What if the problem is with me and not with everyone else?

Why is everyone taking their bloody time? Maybe instead, I should be asking myself is ‘Why am I always in such a bloody hurry?’. It’s not because I’m late. I’m rarely late. It’s not because I have important things to do where I’m going. I work at a call center, I should NOT be in such a hurry to arrive 30 minutes early. So why, then, am I always rushing to get where I’m going?

Wether I’m driving from point A to point B. Or I’m running out to Target to purchase something that I could’ve paid way less money for on Amazon, but I didn’t want to wait 2 extra days. Or I’m getting off of Suboxone and just want to be done with it. The list goes on and on. And the answer is that I just don’t like waiting for things. I am compulsively impatient by nature.

So what’s the answer? How do I remedy this affliction of compulsive impatience? There is a definitive common thread between all these hurried tendencies. The need to always have everything right now. And there is also a solution. It’s not an easy one to work out, but it’s the only healthy way that I have learned to stop this feeling in its tracks. Meditation.

Meditation is such a pivotal tool for recovery. It teaches me to stop and enjoy the journey. This is my life. When it’s over, it’s over. I’ll undoubtedly look back and have some regrets. And one of those will be that I didn’t enjoy the beauty of this planet and it’s amazing inhabitants. The slow car rides. The feelings, good or bad. The lessons that life hands me during troubled times. Meditation allows me to sit in complete silence for a period of time. To acknowledge my thoughts, appreciate them, and let them pass. All while doing absolutely nothing. Not making calls and pacing around. Not writing. Not watching TV. Not worrying about money or trying to be productive. Just sitting and breathing.

This revelation comes as a result of me trying to rush through my Suboxone taper. It took me almost 8 years to get to the point where it was my choice to get off of Suboxone. Not because a doctor is forcing me off of it. Not because I can’t afford the medication (I have a months supply of it in my medicine cabinet). But because I made a decision and finally stuck with it. I’m finally ready and this is a transition that I’ve worked and waited for for years. But it cannot and will not happen overnight.

I have a plan, and I’m sticking to it. It’s laid out on paper. Rushing things could lead to me breaking my plan and ruining the last 28 days of work that I’ve put in. And for what? There’s no reason to rush things. I’m not running out of medication. No one is rushing me off of it. So if taking the full 55 days is what I need to be free from this burden, then that is what needs to happen. Trying to rush things will only hurt my situation.

For today, I will stop and appreciate my surroundings. I will enjoy the sensory experience of my life. I will stay on the meticulous plan that I laid out 28 days ago. And I will succeed because of the revelations I am having during this process. These revelations will cross over into everyday life once I’m off the medication.

As always, if you’re reading this and you’re struggling with anything, drop me a line. You’re strong enough to do anything that that you want to do. All it takes it a choice and a commitment.

More tomorrow.

<3 - B

[Bentakessubs]

Day 29 - 01/25: 1mg
Day 30 - 01/26: 1mg

So weird how the withdrawal happens. I went from 2mg to 1mg 6 days ago. And I was feeling zero withdrawal for the last 4 or 5 days. But yesterday, I finally started to feel some withdrawal. And it wasn’t like the usual withdrawal where I get chills or restless. Now I’m just tired all the time. And like, lazy. I forgot how much energy Suboxone gave me to clean or go to the gym. I’ve gotten in a really bad habit of just laying around the house the last few days. And I need to stop that like, now. Because if I don’t occupy my time doing something productive I’m going to go back up. So I’m going to go to the gym today and just walk/run a bit to get myself back into the swing of moving around.

I go back to work tomorrow, which should be helpful to my situation. Also, just as a side note, my constipation has FINALLY gotten better. I won’t go too much into the gorey details on that, but it’s better and it’ll continue to get better as this stuff slowly leaves my system.

My sex drive still isn’t back. I’m sure it’s going to take a long time for my testosterone levels to even back out. But that’s okay. All things in good time.

Anyway, sorry I keep making long posts on here. I hope someone reads it and gets something useful out of it someday.

- B

[Justin999]

Hey Ben,

Really sorry to hear what you’re going through right now. It reminds me so much of myself. But you should be so proud of yourself for how far you have come. One problem in life often leads to another, and before long, every aspect can become overwhelming.
When you are in debt, overweight and addicted to drugs, taking on just one of these problems can seem insurmountable. Especially when these addictions feed off each other. Stress and anxiety from being in debt causes you to overeat, overeating decimates your self esteem and drive which leads you to drugs and the cycle repeats. It’s just too many things to deal with and the fact that you made such amazing progress in these aspects of your life is nothing short of a miracle.
You should take what you learned through these processes and apply it to what you are trying to do now. Everyone on this forum is prone to impulsivity but you have to think of this like a responsible person. Don’t sacrifice 10 good things to get one, you can have it all with a bit of patience and dedication. Sure if you starved yourself and became homeless, you would have lost weight quicker and paid off your debt quicker from the money you saved on food and rent but you understand that doing that would have had other ramifications.
I was on subs for almost 4 years straight and on and off before that. I tried quitting suboxone cold turkey, drastic cuts, tapering slowly etc etc. I told myself that I can’t taper slowly because I would inevitably take more when I was having a bad day bc I did that for years. What worked for me was combining the same dedication you have to quitting right now, over a long period of time. Slowly cutting down and never going up. It took me many months to taper from 8 to 0 and I haven’t taken a sub in over 2 years now.
Life is complicated and we can work on one aspect without destroying another. I had things to do while I wanted to get off subs and so do you. You need to do good at work, keep your sanity, maintain your health etc. Just keep pushing. You can have your cake and eat it too if you’re smart about it.

[Bentakessubs]

Hey Ben,

Really sorry to hear what you’re going through right now. It reminds me so much of myself. But you should be so proud of yourself for how far you have come. One problem in life often leads to another, and before long, every aspect can become overwhelming.
When you are in debt, overweight and addicted to drugs, taking on just one of these problems can seem insurmountable. Especially when these addictions feed off each other. Stress and anxiety from being in debt causes you to overeat, overeating decimates your self esteem and drive which leads you to drugs and the cycle repeats. It’s just too many things to deal with and the fact that you made such amazing progress in these aspects of your life is nothing short of a miracle.
You should take what you learned through these processes and apply it to what you are trying to do now. Everyone on this forum is prone to impulsivity but you have to think of this like a responsible person. Don’t sacrifice 10 good things to get one, you can have it all with a bit of patience and dedication. Sure if you starved yourself and became homeless, you would have lost weight quicker and paid off your debt quicker from the money you saved on food and rent but you understand that doing that would have had other ramifications.
I was on subs for almost 4 years straight and on and off before that. I tried quitting suboxone cold turkey, drastic cuts, tapering slowly etc etc. I told myself that I can’t taper slowly because I would inevitably take more when I was having a bad day bc I did that for years. What worked for me was combining the same dedication you have to quitting right now, over a long period of time. Slowly cutting down and never going up. It took me many months to taper from 8 to 0 and I haven’t taken a sub in over 2 years now.
Life is complicated and we can work on one aspect without destroying another. I had things to do while I wanted to get off subs and so do you. You need to do good at work, keep your sanity, maintain your health etc. Just keep pushing. You can have your cake and eat it too if you’re smart about it.

Day 31 - 1mg

Thank you so much for your response! I’ve always been the person that, when I put my mind to something, I do it. I’m incredibly determined. When I was trying to find drugs, I went out and didn’t come back until I had them. That’s part of where my determination comes from. When I decided I wanted to get in shape, I did it and didn’t stop until I reached my goal. On the flip side of that coin though, if I’m trying to do something that my heart isn’t totally in, I half-ass it. And I tried to get off Suboxone A LOT before this. But my heart was never really in it. The side-effects sucked, but they were manageable. Over time, they became more and more uncomfortable for me until I finally hit the point where I was done. Whatever happened, Suboxone wasn’t going to be a part of it anymore. The bad officially outweighed the good.

Trading one thing for another is an interesting concept too. I’ve been on this tapering plan for 30 days. I haven’t gone to the gym in 30 days. I’ve probably spent 20 of those days at home, thanks to a newly refilled PTO bank. I’m through a lot of the physical stuff, not all of it. But now the depression and the cravings are kicking in. Last night I wanted to pause the taper so bad. To go back up to 2mg. I tried so hard to rationalize it with my wife and my friend that’s been helping me, pointing out numerous internet articles that say pausing the taper is okay. But then, I’ve always been so good at rationalizing things. Anyway, during all this time I’ve let my physical health slip, I’ve been sitting at home watching TV a lot, and I’ve been pretty apathetic at times. It makes sense that the cravings would start to hit me hard. The time has come for me to get back into the swing of things. To not trade getting off suboxone for physical health. The physical health will feel the getting off of suboxone.

I’m still astounded that my stomach is working normally again. Seriously no matter how bad I feel, the fact that I’m not backed up and having to take a bunch of laxatives will always help remind me that I’m doing the right thing here. I’m seeing some good come out of it. And that good will only increase as time goes on.

Thanks again for your reply. It really helps to know that someone has read this and can identify with what I talk about. I’ll never be the 12-step meeting guy. And my support system of recovering drug addicts never battled with getting off of long term suboxone use. Which is kind of a slightly different kind of beast.

More tomorrow.

- B

[Bentakessubs]

Day 32 - 1mg

Being back at work sucks. I keep having mood swings. I’m all over the place. Also I’ve switched from not sleeping a lot to sleeping too much. I forgot how tired I get after the acute stuff. But I’m just powering through. Trying to stay positive and stay kind of quiet at the times when I’m not feeling overly positive. I work in customer service at a call center. So it’s kinda hard to deal with dickish customers when I’m feeling less than normal. Looking forward to the day when I wake up and feel normal.

More tomorrow, which is my first day at .75mg.

- B

[Bentakessubs]

Second post today. But man, today sucked. The depression is hitting so fucking hard. I think I just need to quit taking this. I’m not trying to rush things. But the .75mg I take isn’t affecting me or making me feel any better at all. Like, no relief. If anything, it’s just prolonging the withdrawal symptoms. I started to drive home on my lunch to get more suboxone today because I was so fucking depressed and felt so bad and it was so intense. And halfway there I pulled into a parking lot, broke down and cried for like a half hour, and went back to work.

I feel so down and mood swingy right now. No one at my job knows what I’m going through, that makes it harder. I just want to get this over with as quickly as possible. Jesus. 32 days and and it’s still so fucking intense.

[rule62]

Congrats so far on your successful taper! Sorry things have been so awful though. What's I've read time and time again is when you feel fatigued and depressed it's the best time to get out and exercise extensively. It's the last thing you want to do but so many others who have walked your path said it paid off. Getting the endorphins to work again requires physical work. Cardio is best to get the blood going.

Just get yourself out and do it regardless of what your brain says. You have done so well fighting the demons this should also be something you can do too.

Keep it up and remember it's not a race. I once went from 2 mg's to 1 and it was a mistake. Felt like crap. So I went back up to 2 and then down to 1.5 mgs instead. Didn't feel that drop at all. 2 weeks later I was able to get down to 1 mg w/o any side effects. Been there ever since. In fact, 1 mg seems like too much some days.

[Bentakessubs]

Congrats so far on your successful taper! Sorry things have been so awful though. What's I've read time and time again is when you feel fatigued and depressed it's the best time to get out and exercise extensively. It's the last thing you want to do but so many others who have walked your path said it paid off. Getting the endorphins to work again requires physical work. Cardio is best to get the blood going.

Just get yourself out and do it regardless of what your brain says. You have done so well fighting the demons this should also be something you can do too.

Keep it up and remember it's not a race. I once went from 2 mg's to 1 and it was a mistake. Felt like crap. So I went back up to 2 and then down to 1.5 mgs instead. Didn't feel that drop at all. 2 weeks later I was able to get down to 1 mg w/o any side effects. Been there ever since. In fact, 1 mg seems like too much some days.

Day 33 - 01/29: 0mg
Day 34 - 01/30: 0mg

Well, I stopped taking it yesterday. Ground zero. I know it’s not a race. I do. But honestly, the smaller dose I was taking was not alleviating my symptoms at all. I was getting zero relief and, if anything, it was extending my withdrawal symptoms out longer. So I’m done. I made it through an entire day of work yesterday. And it was not fun. I felt physical withdrawal. I was yawning all day. Slight chills. I made it through a one-on-one meeting with my boss. But I kept telling myself “if I can make it through one day of this shit, I can do it”. And guess what? I made it.

It is a race for me. I’m so done with this shit. I’ve been on this medication for years, I have zero interest in prolonging this or staying on it long term.

I slept about 7 hours last night. Today is Thursday. I just have 2 more days of work to make it through. If I can do that, I will be good until the weekend and can chill.

I do think you’re right about the gym. It’s hard to go when the acute stuff is happening but once the post-acute stuff starts, then it’s time to get back in there.

More tomorrow.

- B

[Sniffah]

Hi, thanks for sharing your journey. I too want to get off of suboxone. I've been on 12/3 bup/nal since may 2018. I have lost so much weight from not eating. I have no appetite whatsoever. I have to make myself eat so I wont appear gaunt and frail. Before heroin I weighed 149-155 lbs. On heroin I got down to 120, now on subs I weigh 134 on a good day. I am a 5'6 male. Age 50. I take seroquel for bi polar, and am worried about the deep depression that comes with paws when i decide to get off them(subs).
Im proud of you. I like what you said about the bad days, they re the days we grow. Hang in there. You're doing great!
Chris

[jennjenn]

Hey Ben!

I like your post! I like that you told it just how it is. I also like that just because you’re tapering off buprenorphine doesn’t make it that you think everyone should or that ppl that may never be ready are bad or it’s a bad thing. One thing I absolutely cannot stand is when someone is ready and they taper or stop altogether, they suddenly become suboxone negativity spreaders. I cannot stand that! I was so afraid that’s where your post was going at first and then I was like thank goodness!

Suboxone is a miracle for some of us but it’s a miracle in a way that it keeps our brain quiet enough to WORK on RECOVERY. Taking it alone isn’t good enough. Without counseling and truly working on ourselves, it isn’t going to fix anything long term imo. You have to do the work. I think sometimes that gets lost.

I work as a peer support specialist at the very clinic that I started at in 2012. I mentor other patients that’s been in recovery 2 days to ppl that’s been in recovery 5 years. I see success and I see the farthest thing from recovery you can get..... everyday. All of these ppl are taking suboxone but not all are doing the work on their recovery that they really need to be doing in order to have a healthy sobriety. Just taking suboxone alone isn’t going to magically help them in the long run.

I see relapse day after day after day. Some of those relapses are ppl who have no intentions of stopping benzo’s, or pot, or meth, or coke or opiates..... some ppl just don’t want it or some do but not enough to really do what they have to do. Some just aren’t ready and some never were and using the fact that they can go sell their medication to go get their drug of choice. But all these ppl are taking suboxone, so see it isn’t magically fixing them. So buprenorphine is a tool and just because you take it doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed recovery, at the end of the day it is our choice to do the hard shit to change our lives.

And you’re so right about all of us are different. Yes we’re addicts but we’re also different and our recovery is going to be different. Just like functioning addicts vs addicts that couldn’t get out of bed without a fix.... those two differences could very well make their recovery different too. I’m just glad you posted this and you’re right on! Good luck! Keep fighting the fight!

[specwolf82]

I have been on suboxone for 11 years now.. im a 37 year old male.. and because of suboxone I have about 4 different horrible lower abdominal issues that have been terrorizing me to the point I lost my 80k a year job.. to serving at a restaurant 20 hours a week... your the closest person ive found to being on it as long as me...I want to get off it.. but I am not in a good place, I have digressed if anything .. I do not take my suboxone correctly all the time (mostly due to pain) and I almost always wind up 2-3days short every month..... Im on a high dose 24MGs.... IM numb, like I feel like I might be depressed... but im not sure... and I def don't want to withdrawal and be even more depressed.... my biggest issue with coming off this drug is this..... whenever I withdrawal I lose interest in EVERYTHING... even things I love most.. EVERYTHING is boring and I want to do nothing... that's my biggest fear... that I wont regain interest in the things I love anymore.. even when coming off.... im not sure if anyone can relate to that or not

[Bentakessubs]

I have been on suboxone for 11 years now.. im a 37 year old male.. and because of suboxone I have about 4 different horrible lower abdominal issues that have been terrorizing me to the point I lost my 80k a year job.. to serving at a restaurant 20 hours a week... your the closest person ive found to being on it as long as me...I want to get off it.. but I am not in a good place, I have digressed if anything .. I do not take my suboxone correctly all the time (mostly due to pain) and I almost always wind up 2-3days short every month..... Im on a high dose 24MGs.... IM numb, like I feel like I might be depressed... but im not sure... and I def don't want to withdrawal and be even more depressed.... my biggest issue with coming off this drug is this..... whenever I withdrawal I lose interest in EVERYTHING... even things I love most.. EVERYTHING is boring and I want to do nothing... that's my biggest fear... that I wont regain interest in the things I love anymore.. even when coming off.... im not sure if anyone can relate to that or not

Day 59 - 02/19: 1mg

Thanks for everyone’s replies to my post. I haven’t posted in about 10 days. I hit a really low point. One day at work, when I had tapered down to 1mg, I was so depressed. I was thinking about how pointless my job is. How nothing interests me. How life seems like a joke. My mood was swinging between being okay one moment and being next to tears the next. It was a highly unusual feeling and I knew Suboxone withdrawal was to blame. But that knowledge was not enough to keep me from wanting to take more.

On my hour lunch, I rushed to my car. I had admittedly decided that this was too much to handle and that I was going to go back up on my dose. About halfway there I pulled off into a target parking lot and just broke down crying for 45 minutes. I turned around, stopped to buy some eye drops, and went back to work. That was the worst point of all of my withdrawal. Everything since that day has gotten better.

But my point is this. I have dealt with terrible side effects from Suboxone too. Enlarged prostate. Lowered sex drive. Gastrointestinal issues. (BTW my gastro doctor says that those are not side effects, they’re just caused by using any opiate on a long term basis). Anyway, I was still never going to stop taking it until my life got so uncomfortable on this drug that I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I can relate to what you’re going through. Because I went through something similar. If, at some point, the side effects become too much to deal with, then you will decide it’s worth it to get off. And if not, then try to find ways to cope with them the best you can.

I can also relate to feeling like you might lose aspects of yourself on Suboxone. Through my depression and making it over the mountain of opiate withdrawal, I admittedly started to wonder if I would lose all the interest in the things I’ve grown to love over the last 8 years. The short answer is that is not true. Those aspects of your personality come from you, not some pharmaceutical. You will lose interest in things when you go through withdrawal. You will also feel very depressed. Have mood swings. Feel constantly tired. You just have to know, throughout that process, that this is just your brain adjusting to living without a chemical that’s been it’s been fed.

I truly do wish you all the best. This battle is hard, but it can be won. In the end, we’re all champions of recovery just for quitting hard narcotics and only taking Suboxone. At that point, you’re also sober. So if you want to take it further, know that you have the strength to do so. But you also need support.

On the more technical side of my taper, I was finding it difficult to break the 8mg strips into 1mg pieces. I began to suspect the buep was not evenly distributed throughout the entire strip so when I was breaking it into micro pieces, there were some days I felt like I got nothing and other days where I felt like I got too much. So I temporarily went back up to 2mg for a few days until I could get into my doctor, who prescribed me the 2mg strips. Those strips are the same size as the 8mg strips, they’re just thinner. So it was easier to break them up into pieces. Anyway, I’m down to .5mg now and I really never feel any physical withdrawal anymore. I think, once my body adjusted to the 2mg dose completely, all the other withdrawal seems easy peezy.

I’m taking 2 weeks off soon to completely come off of it. I got a certified medical leave approved, so my job isn’t at risk. I won’t get paid for it. But I’ve saved up a little cash so I should be fine as far as that goes.

Sorry for the long post. I had a cold for a while there and before that i was so down I just didn’t feel like I had anything positive to put out there. But I think I’m through the darkest part of the woods now.

More soon.

- B

[Bentakessubs]

Day 65 - 02/25: .25mg

Well, first day on .25. Yesterday was the first day in 3 weeks that I’ve felt good. So I decided to taper down to .25 today. Withdrawal hit me a little bit again today. But it’s so tame compared to the bigger jumps. Just slight chills. Feeling so bad for 2 months, when I finally feel the abscence of withdrawal, it really feels good and inspires me to keep going. I’m so close now. Getting the 2mg strips helped A LOT when tapering down to the lower doses. Highly reccomend.

So ready to be off of work now and go home and sleep. I’ve been playing drums, which feeds my mind, body, and soul. And I have been going to NA meetings. My family just doesn’t understand what I’m going through. I needed to have someone to call who understands what it’s like.

AnywAy. Gonna stay on .25 for a week then try to jump off. More soon

- B

[2901fulton]

Good posts bentakessubs,,,, I'm following your posts and appreciate your feedback and motivation. But, most of all I appreciate your candor. I want to hear the good and bad as you taper off suboxone. If you have negative opinions on suboxone, tapering off, including negative side effects,,, I want to know. Hopefully these moderators will allow you to speak your mind, recently they have cut off others who are tapering off and have voiced their negative opinions while on suboxone. They were NOT SUBOXONE HATERS, but the moderator amy shut them down. We need your feedback as you see it, without pressure from the moderators who are clearly Pro suboxone and defend it in a dangerous way. I see that as practicing medicine in a harmful way.

Thanks again for your feedback and candor!

[jennjenn]

Fulton, Ben has been doing just fine without help. I think he’s posted respectively and without negativity. I’d appreciate you not speaking negatively of any mod also, especially when things on this thread have been without any issues whatsoever. If there’s something you don’t like that a moderator has said then privately message that person, don’t bring drama to this thread.

[Bentakessubs]

Day 66 - 02/26: .25mg

Well, made it through yesterday. This cold is really hanging on. I’m on day 13 of it and still coughing up crap and blowing my nose constantly. So that can definitely tend to heighten any withdrawal symptoms that I’ve been feeling. It can also make me think I’m feeling withdrawal when, in actuality, I’m just feeling the effects of a cold. I think it’s important to be mindful of that.

I appreciate your response about my story. I think I haven’t posted about some of the negative things because when I’m feeling bad, that’s when I tend to want to write the least. I will say this. I don’t think suboxone is inherently a good or bad thing. I think it has the potential to be both. It can be so useful and good if it’s used correctly. But, it’s also a narcotic, which opens the potential for it to be a bad thing when used incorrectly. As with any narcotic, if you’re taking more than your doctor has prescribed you, if you’re not telling your doctor that you’re taking more than prescribed, if you’re running out before your refill every month, is it a good thing? I can say with certainty that is the same behavior that I practiced with prescription opiates like OxyContin. The purpose of MAT is to get off of drugs. To break the cycle. To stop the behaviors that we practiced during addiction. For this purpose, I think it’s incredibly important that suboxone be used the right way and with complete openness / honesty with the patients doctor.

I also think that, like every other addiction treatment system out there, MAT isn’t perfect. The manufacturer of suboxone has not published a titration method for getting off of it. I voiced concerns about wanting to get off of it to my doctor many times over the years with no real help on a solid tapering plan. So it was on me to figure out how to do it.

And I just want to say, I don’t think tapering off is for everyone. Some people will never want to get off and I think that is completely fine for those people if it’s working for them. I NEVER think that anyone should be forced off of suboxone before they’re ready. If a person is able to stay on suboxone and abstain from drugs for the rest of their life, then that sounds like a program that is perfectly sustainable for them. And that’s amazing and shouldn’t be changed.

However, if a patient is voicing concerns about wanting to get off of suboxone, there should be help from both the manufacturer and the prescribing doctor. I shouldn’t have had to scour the internet for a tapering plan. There should have been an official tapering plan set out by a medical professional.

Anyway, sorry. I don’t want to make this post a political thing about the goods and bads of MAT. This post is, primarily, about how the taper made me feel. So people know what my mind and body was feeling throughout the entirety of the taper and for a few weeks after I’m completely off.

So getting back to today and how I’m feeling. Going from .5mg to .25mg did produce a bit of withdrawal. Generally, this is how it goes for me: I lower my dose. I feel progressively a little bit worse every day for 4 or 5 days. Then, generally, on the 6th day I start to feel a lot better and renewed. So I’ve found that, for me, lowering my dose every 7 to 14 days has been effective. But that’s just me. Some people may need to go slower. Some people may need to go faster. I will try to never speak to someone else’s experiences, only my own.

I hope this helps people and I hope everyone out there is doing well today. If you’re reading this, make some time to smile and laugh today. Watch some comedy. Go outside if it’s nice out. Look on the bright side. Things could always be worse.

More soon.

- B

[Bentakessubs]

Day 67 - 02/27: 0mg
Day 68 - 02/28: 0mg

Well I did it. I jumped off. Not feeling like, super fantastic right now. Definitely sweaty and achey. But it’s totally manageable. I’m at work. So yeah. Not much to report. Other than I’m off of it and I’m done. Throwing all my subs away tonight. I got 3 days off starting tomorrow to get thru the hard stuff. I’ll put my taper in it’s entirety below. Ill continue to post through the acute and post acute stuff.

12/27 and before: 12mg
Day 1 - 12/28: 8mg
Day 2 - 12/29: 8mg
Day 3 - 12/30: 8mg
Day 4 - 12/31: 8mg
Day 5 - 01/01: 8mg
Day 6 - 01/02: 4mg
Day 7 - 01/03: 4mg
Day 8 - 01/04: 4mg
Day 9 - 01/05: 4mg
Day 10 - 01/06: 2mg
Day 11 - 01/07: 2mg
Day 12 - 01/08: 2mg
Day 13 - 01/09: 2mg
Day 14 - 01/10: 2mg
Day 15 - 01/11: 2mg
Day 16 - 01/12: 2mg
Day 17 - 01/13: 1.5mg
Day 18 - 01/14: 2mg
Day 19 - 01/15: 1.5mg
Day 20 - 01/16: 1.5mg
Day 21 - 01/17: 1.5mg
Day 22 - 01/18: 1.5mg
Day 23 - 01/19: 1.5mg
Day 24 - 01/20: 1.5mg
Day 25 - 01/21: 1mg
Day 26 - 01/22: 1mg
Day 27 - 01/23: 1mg
Day 28 - 01/24: 1mg
Day 29 - 01/25: 1mg
Day 30 - 01/26: 1mg
Day 31 - 01/27: 1mg
Day 32 - 01/28: 1mg
Day 33 - 01/29: 0mg
Day 34 - 01/30: 1.5mg
Day 35 - 01/31: 2mg
Day 36 - 02/01: 2mg
Day 37 - 02/02: 2mg
Day 38 - 02/03: 2mg
Day 39 - 02/04: 2mg
Day 40 - 02/05: 2mg
Day 41 - 02/06: 2mg
Day 42 - 02/07: 2mg
Day 43 - 02/08: 2mg
Day 44 - 02/09: 2mg
Day 45 - 02/10: 2mg
Day 50 - 02/11: 1.5mg
Day 51 - 02/12: 1.5mg
Day 52 - 02/13: 1.5mg
Day 53 - 02/14: 1.5mg
Day 55 - 02/15: 1mg
Day 56 - 02/16: 1mg
Day 57 - 02/17: 1mg
Day 58 - 02/18: 1mg
Day 59 - 02/19: .5mg
Day 60 - 02/20: .5mg
Day 61 - 02/21: .5mg
Day 62 - 02/22: .5mg
Day 63 - 02/23: .5mg
Day 64 - 02/24: .5mg
Day 65 - 02/25: .25mg
Day 66 - 02/26: .25mg
Day 67 - 02/27: 0mg
Day 68 - 02/28: 0mg

[Justin999]

Congrats Ben, keep going. You’re in the thick of it now but just remind yourself it won’t last forever. Slowly you’ll have more energy, less depression and better sleep. Use this time to push yourself to stay active and not constantly dwell on how you feel. Constantly remind yourself why you are doing this. Take supplements like GABA, 5htp and magnesium for anxiety depression and insomnia. And if you’re feeling overly jittery and just want to jump out of your skin. Long HOT SHOWERS are a life saver! Walk everyday and listen to positive things. These are the things that got me through. I know by reading your posts that you are determined. Hold onto this mindset when things get overwhelming. This is a time of rebirth! You dug a hole for yourself for years and you have been climbing out of it slowly but surely. You’re almost at the top now. The last parts always the hardest.