Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

How to stop Suboxone? How long should I be on buprenorphine? Is Suboxone withdrawal bad? How do I detox?
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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by Headseed » Sat Jul 17, 2021 8:24 pm

Heading into bedtime and still doing well..... but the monsters come out to play in the wee hours. Still early for them yet. But feeling as optimistic as a cynic can get. By far the best day I've had since like day 7 or 8? Just tired and waiting on my internal thermostat to realize we're not going from the hot tub to the snow over and over. Can't complain all things considered. We'll see what tonight brings and check in tomorrow. Hope you're still well.

coloradoclean
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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by coloradoclean » Sun Jul 18, 2021 1:54 am

Heck yeah!!!! You are doing great imo. The temperature issues are the absolute worst. Tonight my first extremely bad night. No sleep, soaked through all my clothes all my blankets and can't dry off to save my life. The 1st day I was in hell this is the second time. I'll try to respond asap but might be in a big mess ATM. You're story is my inspiration. God bless and thank you.
Weird esit to add the first night it rained and I left the window open that's when it was worst the humidity maybe affects it since the same today long rain window left open. Idk

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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by Headseed » Sun Jul 18, 2021 8:32 am

Here even earlier for day 16?? 17?? whatever...... glad you are still hanging in there CO I can grok not being able to add things that don't have to be added. And chatting with me for sure isn't a necessity but I've appreciated the company. I'll try to keep returning the favor for at least another couple weeks if you're still stuck in the suck. It's wild what little things can seem to do when you're every nerve is raw. I jokingly call this the merry go round/carnival ride/etc. I'm not sure when the fun starts but if I've made it this far I'm fairly certain someone with some actual backbone can meet the height requirements to get on and complete the ride. I'm still kicking along. Feeling about like yesterday (just with a little less sleep) so I'm pretty sure I've turned the corner with the acute stuff that's just horrible. Not to say I'm ready to conquer the world but I'm not looking for Dante to drag me up from the bowels of hell. Biggest issues are still internal thermostat and I didn't sleep much but I wasn't miserable. Just the normal shit that goes with this. Appetite is back but making myself get up and cook this morning was tough because I was freezing. Haven't been a morning person in a LONG time. Food seems to be helping a bit though. If someone were to ask me today "How long should I expect to be down if I go cold turkey off of a high dose before I can semi function?" My answer would be you'll have a week where you're likely good to go without too much trouble, a second week where you're pretty miserable with lots of ups and downs where you think it's over, then you'll be miserable out of the blue, maybe even back and forth a time or two, but you won't be bent nearly as bad as you would be going CT off of a full agonist opiate, there will be good moments, even hours/days, then probably a third week where you hopefully can start vaguely resembling a human. I'm a bit old, out of shape, and tired. Someone young, fit, and with the right mindset probably does it a bit faster. Especially if they have things to get them moving. Someone getting into their late 50's or 60's? I'd probably recommend either A) listening to ppl and tapering or B) seeking in treatment care.... which I can't believe I'm saying given what I went through myself. Hopefully some things have changed in the 10 years or so since I went. I'm fortunate to not have to work and have very little responsibility other than me. Which is a blessing in the sense that I don't HAVE to do anything although it would probably be wise to do so. While I made some pretty shitty decisions (partly out of ignorance) with opiates I managed to find a way to make enough money where I can live simply, not rely on anyone else or the gov't, and not work. Most folks aren't as fortunate... especially if they've fallen into any sort of addiction. So as cynical as I sometimes can be I'm not oblivious to my privilege. Onward? Yeah. Upward? For sure even if marginally. Just hope it continues. Catch you later. Glad you are still in the fight.

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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by coloradoclean » Sun Jul 18, 2021 3:11 pm

Thanks for writing back if you don't feel the need for yourself to be on here then please don't write just on my account. Believe me you have inspired me greatly already. Are you an author or a writer? You seem to be well written. And I quite enjoy what you always have to say when you do write. It is tough especially with the sleep. I purposely burned the bridge with my sub doc so it's impossible to return or get more meds. I have burned through the gabapentin and had used solely clonidine today. It knocked me out for 15 hours so I am now feeling OK but not great. Late last night I tried heavy weightlifting for any kind of endorphin release and felt great afterword but went to move the weights across the room and threw our my back pretty bad. Was on the wet ground for hours couldn't even crawl so I'm now bedridden. That is a complete tragedy I cursed God over and over and over. Finally my wife came out to check on me and put me in a wagon and rolled me inside its that bad. I'm 31 super skinny but was gaining muscle in the last few week preparing for this. I'm angry beyond words that I can no longer even get out of bed. Well see how it goes from here. I know I can't relapse there's only 1 sub doctor for 300 miles and I've quit my job to sell the house and move. This should be interesting 🤣

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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by Headseed » Sun Jul 18, 2021 4:30 pm

Great googly moogly! You didn't go halfway with the commitment! Are you a gambling man? Man did you lay some chips down! Great big elementium type balls! Wow. Part of my reason for jumping off is my doctor mysteriously left the clinic after almost 10 years. I liked him so I hope he's doing alright at least. Clinic was cagey about what, when, why, and where.... understandably. When I started long ago there weren't many options where I am...Not quite a 300 mile desert like you're in but let's call it 70. So I've driven a little over an hour every 28 days for too many years. I don't really want to build rapport with another doctor and haven't seen the same one two times in a row since mine left almost a year ago even were I inclined to try.... so it was just one more reason to tie the knot and cut the string. I may keep a final appointment... scheduled in another week or so. I don't know. I waffle on if free will even exists so maybe I don't even have a choice! HA!

For anyone concerned because I mentioned opiates (more than once) a few days ago there's a plan in place to have them out of reach soon.... I'm not smart but I'm not a complete moron either. I KNOW the severity of the consequences if things get out of hand. Something I didn't when I was in my 20's and had my first back surgery. I don't recommend taking up spine surgery as a hobby either.. so take care of that shit man. I've been there and got the t-shirt in damned near every color. I'm not your daddy but dude quit picking up heavy shit. I'm halfway joking but be careful. Going under the knife is not where you want to end up from my experience. In addition to not being all that bright I'm not blessed with luck either so as with everything I say YMMV. I wish I could say I'm stunningly handsome with a golden dong to make up for all these shortcomings but alas neither of those is true either.

I'm flattered you think my rambling monologues are worthy to be read but I am not a writer... I have a bit of wit about me I guess and if I can laugh at myself I feel a bit better. However, I ignore way too many rules of grammar and punctuation for someone with higher education to be an author. I guess there are a few advantages to being well read, moderately educated, and infinitely curious though. I DO have a sense of humor (a bit twisted perhaps) which is all that keeps me sane I think... that and mental masturbation about subjects only navel gazers care about. But I'm glad I've kept you entertained! Hang in there. Tomorrow? Onward? I'm still in... Upward? I think so. Been an ok day here. Hope you get back on your feet! Cya on the flip side!

coloradoclean
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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by coloradoclean » Sun Jul 18, 2021 7:15 pm

Hey hey hey! Sounds like your in a somewhat good place now. That big of a jump would send 99% back on drugs so I'm lucky to have found this. I did take enough clonidine it knocked me out for a while. Woke up with enough ferver to stand on my feet and go walking around. The unbearable headaches are new wondering if from these medications. I'm doing it though and feel I'm spirits enough to write this. Today's been rough. You may not be a writer but you have a really great way with words. Yeah onward we go. I will never look back. I should add I quit 1200 mg a day edible does (Marijuana ( very high dose so there is withdrawal on too of 2 other anti anxiety meds so I may be getting worse due to those as well. With people inspecting my house it's icky getting up cleaning and conversing with strangers. Surprisingly have had a maaaasssive appetite thank the lord. I thought sub gave me the carb cravings but.maybe it held back hunger? Thanks again for talking. I'm a loner with a wife and son. I feel that's all I need in life. My sons already in the new state and my wife is at work everyday . No friends whatsoever so I enjoy the chat even if just online. Thank you sir 🙏

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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by Headseed » Mon Jul 19, 2021 7:19 am

I sat down to answer last night but the chills had taken their toll for the day and I had to call it a night and get wrapped up. But here I am... day 18? Even earlier... I beat the Sun up today. Not good? Just restless and my brain keeps trying to slip into that go fix this shit mode....So out of the bed it is. Can't stew in that for too long right now. I'm going to reach out to one of the counselors I saw when I went in treatment a long time ago just to be safe. He kept me there and ended up quitting the day I left. (Have I mentioned my rehab story was a nightmare?) I Kept seeing him fairly regularly for a year or so and a couple of times 7-8 years ago..... and never had any use that wasn't a direct result of more surgery. I just hope he's still practicing. I never went back to active addiction.... I just wasn't in a place mentally to detox again after the string of surgeries ended. I probably should have done this a long time ago though which has my brain beating me up about it. All that naval gazing I've been doing has me in a head space I probably should have avoided right now. So... better safe than using. So I'm still in this in between zone of in/out of the minor acute stuff with some of the mental PAWS type crap hitting....but maybe as the day progresses I'll have an upswing. Battery is getting low again but not dangerously so yet. Just on the carousel making another round. I'm sure my little pony will be back flying through the air soon enough.

I still can't believe how crazy you must be. That you call anyone else tough jumping from poly substances like you've done is something. I would think that yes some of your symptoms could/would be relevant from what you're removing from your system. But I don't have direct experience with most of that. Can't imagine adding more difficulties and getting through it. I get the loner thing. Small circle here... more like a triangle. Like you my appetite is enhanced right now. I'd gone years without being "hungry"..... not that I haven't managed to eat and get some cushioning but I almost never just felt like I had to eat. I could get up and not eat until late evening. Then sweet cravings hit and I'd eat half the night so I don't know. Maybe it's just a part of this as I too am starving right now (and haven't had anything sweet in 2 weeks go figure). I can't remember the last time I did this with opiates if I got hungry. I dropped 50 lbs in the 8+ weeks while stuck in that place though. The only time they weren't fucking with me because I didn't fit their cookie cutter was when I was on the treadmill with earbuds in. So I jogged about 7 million miles in 8+ weeks.

Glad you have some things to look forward to and a reason to get up and get yourself moving. That for sure helps even if it's draining. Stick with it. I know your wife and son will be thrilled to have you at your best. Just got to have your why? I think. Hold on to it tight whatever it is. Catch ya later in the day.

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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by Headseed » Tue Jul 20, 2021 10:09 am

Day 19? To the point that the updates are probably mostly redundant...at least regularly. I still feel a bit yucky with the same stuff going on as before. Maybe not as bad. Nothing serious anyway. Yesterday was great most of the day though. Nights are going to be an issue for a while. It is what it is. Neck and shoulders are stiff so sitting at the computer won't be happening today. I'm still here just nothing really to report and replies might be delayed. Hope all are well out there. Hang in there.

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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by Headseed » Wed Jul 21, 2021 10:35 am

Day 20? As with yesterday not a ton to update. It's hard to judge how much, if any, improvement I'm having from day to day at this point. Just the normal ups and downs with this experience that make it hard to see gradation at the micro level given the number of variable symptoms. Certainly no major steps backward though. I've had some mild headaches the last few nights/days which isn't "new" but other than a day or two I hadn't had them regularly. Yesterday I experienced what I can only define as feeling somewhat dissociated. Which is troubling to me because it's both new and uncomfortable when it was happening. When I say new I mean I don't believe I've ever felt quite like that before. Ever. If it happens again... maybe a few more times depending on duration and severity... I will at a minimum call the doctor. I suspect it's just the sudden changes in brain chemistry and something for me to be mindful of rather than concerned but better safe than sorry if it continues. In my updates I tend to focus on the bad things going on in my body because that's what I think everyone fears going into this and what they're looking to see if they can expect discomforts at certain points and when those discomforts might abate. So I'm going to spend a min on more positive signs I'm seeing. I'm still feeling meh but there are many more good moments (even hours now) where I'm in pretty good shape. I'm running errands, doing most normal chores, and even finding a min here and there to enjoy something. I could push myself more and probably should but I'm trying to listen to my body and follow it's lead rather than trying to drive it where I might be uncomfortable at this point. While my synapses are apparently misfiring a bit now and then I'm having some really nice moments of mental clarity that I didn't even realize I had been missing while on suboxone as well. Just what feels like an ability to focus more intensely on something I was interested in if only for a short period. Which is a nice surprise. So I'm still here. Finding some clear positives even if I struggle at times as well. Onward! Upward?

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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by Headseed » Thu Jul 22, 2021 9:13 am

3 Weeks!?!

I think this will be my last daily update. As mentioned previously I'm into a gradation of change now that isn't always easy to see improvement up close but I'm no longer physically miserable most of the time which is what most people are worried about......

Anyway, I slept well last night (low dose benzo) and feel as well as I can remember in a LONG time. I can tell I'll have some chills today.... maybe even most of the day but so far I've been comfortable. Some of my previous pain issues have crept in a bit the last couple of days but they did that taking suboxone too. I guess what I'm saying in my incoherent way is that I'm on the right path. It's not very straight but it's the one I'm on and it seems to fit. I intend to still lurk occasionally and probably regularly for a bit longer but if this post happens to be my last in this thread I'm thankful to those that responded. Especially coloradoclean whose replies gave me a reason to get up a couple of days when I probably wouldn't have otherwise. If you are reading this and aren't finding anyone here responding I do recommend trying somewhere else. Reddit seems to be a popular option these days but I don't have specifics. Just trying to find some sort of connection with people who are either going through what you're going through or have been through it before can be helpful. I'm not a big proponent of AA/NA but that is the one reason I would send someone there as well. Wherever you can find that bit of understanding or support. Even if it's minimally like my interactions here. Onward! Upward! Take care people!

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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by Headseed » Wed Jul 28, 2021 11:02 am

Here lurking so I might as well update. Closing in on a 4 weeks give or take. Feeling really good at times dealing with irritating issues at others. Another poster is a couple weeks farther removed from my experience and also complaining about chills. So I suspect that long term temp control is a common complaint. The inability to regulate temperature is by far my biggest issue through this entire process. It's the driving force behind most of my discomfort. Yesterday was moderately better in that regard and this morning seems to be as well (although I'm keeping my house way warmer than in the past). At least I'm not vacillating between extremes at rapid pace though. Still not sleeping very long but the 3-4 hours I had last night were more restful than I'm used to. For all intents and purposes I'm operating at a similar level to a month ago when I decided to experiment with insanity.

Mental clarity is there a significant portion of the time for me. Fewer disassociated moments and they are brief. Mainly when I'm just exhausted I think. A bit of personality coming back that I think might have been dampened. Some interest in old hobbies etc. are catching my attention for the first time in quite a while when I can stay focused on them. I'm a bit ADD and flit from one thing to another at the best of times but the interest is there for additional things I had lost most interest in for a significant amount of time. All in all I certainly can't complain too much. I would for sure advise against taking up cliff diving off of bupe unless you're in a REALLY good place when you start. It can be done though. Just be ready for sudden jerks and abrupt changes in momentum!

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Re: Is this it? Went Cold Turkey EDIT: This was not it! lol

Post by slogiraffe » Fri Oct 22, 2021 7:09 pm

Hi cold turkey guy——
Hope you’re doing well and reading these every now and then, even being months (years?) later.
I myself am doing a slow taper at .5 currently with no interest in cold turkey, but I was compelled to read each and every one of your posts because I do admire a clever turn of phrase, dark humor, and absolute honesty, especially during a not very funny time in your life. Kudos.
It was very kind of you to think about others who might be in the same situation yet unable to find a thread about doing it cold turkey. You just never know who reads something that helps them, even though they may never reply.
In this time of division in our country, I think it’s important to put a little gratitude, positivity, and heartfelt appreciation out into the universe.
Peace

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